*blows the thick layer of dust*

OH WOW. Just had a random thought to check out my long-lost blog and here it still is!!! Maybe I should start blogging again. Definitely time for a makeover and a good spring clean! I will be back!

Don't tell me I need sleep. *face palm*

3 hours of sleep, cramming assignments, going berserk at home, skip breakfast, skip morning class, almost late for the next class,park somewhere new, brisk walk to class, read the 'class cancellation' notice on the door, re-read notice (want to scream), sat down to edit assignment, text friend for help and realized.... THEY'RE DUE TOMORROW. *face palm*. And now I sit in the library, thinking of things i could've gotten done at home, starting my day over. Nah.

The highest fall

It's difficult to accept the reality of failure. Something that happens, but not something very common either. Today, I struggle accepting failure. The second biggest blow I've had so far. The thought of repeating the process all over again is......unbelievable. My heart seemed to have to skipped a beat. Then there's a split-second moment where I don't breathe when I think about it. Times like this, I wonder WHY, WHAT and HOW I can go on with a smile to say "I'll do alright".

I need to embrace failure and mistakes I make or I will cry Perth a river.

God's ways are higher

How am I to react when I hear the husband of a lovely, sensitive and caring woman....the father who shared a wonderful fatherly love to his 3 children.....has gone to heaven? Though we all know it's a great destination yet there's this longing feel of sadness, heart-ache....and I wish that things could have turned out differently.

How can I wait for the months to pass before I could be with them to provide more support....

....unbearable.

God....all I can do is pray that your love will save. That your peace love will overcome.

All gone to WASTE?

So today was second day of babysitting. Or supposedly.
Phone had no line since 3pm and I thought it would just come back when I got home. But it didn't. So I drove out earlier today, looking forward to a good evening. Then came the JAM. My first jam in perth. And it was pretty bad. Thank God it only lasted about 15-20min but it was tiring, driving a manual car. Anyway...I drove, petrol light started blinking!!! I prayed that I would be able to get home later.

Then the worst came. I decided to restart my phone. The line came back and so did a SMS. And it showed a msg sent about 3pm-ish saying that I didn't need to babysit tonight. Talk about devastated, frustrated and regretful. My engine died and I just sat in the car, thinking how stupid I was to not restart my phone earlier. =(

So I drove home, glad the petrol light wasn't blinking and glad there was no traffic. But with a worry. So much regret. What am I gonna tell my parents?! Yesterday I left an hour earlier because her dad came home early and dad said it was a waste of petrol going all the way there. sigh. I'm so upset now. And with the assignments piling up. My mind is so not at rest. How do I take things one at a time like thissssss.....

I'm done.

As I listened to boyce avenue's acoustic covers today I've realized even more how much I miss 'wasting time' on my piano or strumming a guitar to my own way. I miss playing a string of chords 'just because it sounds beautiful' and I miss having my thoughts run about as I play melodies that just go on and on on the keys of my piano. Sure they're not at a level of amazing or perfect but that's just how I like to spend my alone time. Just bumming with sounds that my mind and heart creates. Not bothered about people's expectations of me or rehearsing over and over again a piece I cannot perfect as I panic and get frustrated when I play the same mistakes repeatedly.

A friend posted about a note on how she's been an amazing blessing being a volunteer to teach music to Sudanese children who want to play music so badly. Even if there was just one student,that made her day. And it got me thinking..."lynn, you don't have to be who people expect you to be even if its out of their good intentions for you". There's a reason I'm doing what I'm doing and yes it is going to be tough and the competition out there is so great and 'everyone's doing it nowadays' BUT, there's a God out there who will open the Right door for me.

Uni starts next week!!!!! Year 3 here I come. *deep breaths*